Searching for Purpose
Have you ever been in a place that you want to figure out what you want to do next in life and feeling frustrated that no matter what you do you can't see it? When you have this feeling that you want to do something meaningful and maybe knowing the general direction, but not clear on the details and being stuck in that place for a while?
Well, on and off I've been in this place for the last 5 years. I got glimpses of what I want, but never the full picture. And every time periods of clarity were followed by the periods of disillusionment and back to now knowing.. Once I figure out what i want, it's usually pretty easy for me to get it, but it's that phase of figuring it out that has been the most challenging for me.
And now, about a month since my last job, my over-inflated desire to know what's next and not having that clarity created a big discomfort. I noticed that I was in this loop of resisting this "not knowing" state that I was in and so being stuck in it. Remember the old saying "what you resist persist"? Well, me as a life coach and knowing it very well, I was in double resistant: feeling resistance, and than feeling bad about having the resistance.
After I got back to Seattle on Wed, I decided to try an experiment: only focus on and do the things that feel excited to me. Listening to Bashar on the drive reminded me that excitement is what shows us what is ours to do and if we just follow it to the best of our ability in small things and big things, it will lead to the path that brings fulfillment and satisfaction as it will be our unique path.
Yesterday I got glimpses of what I might be interested in: helping entrepreneurs move on the dreams and projects where they know what they need to do but not doing it. I even drafted a questionnaire that they would fill before having a strategic session with me and drafted the outline of the program, and after showing it to a friend and getting some feedback from him, where in an intent of helping me to make it better he mostly focused on what needs to change or isn't clear, I noticed the feelings of deflation, like nothing I am doing is good enough, and wanting to give up coming up. I didn't let them take over, but my energy and excitement went down for a bit.
Today reading "Reality Transurfing" book reminded me that if we are dissatisfied with something, we are transported tot he life tracks where we just get more things to be dissatisfied with and it's not the place at all where satisfaction or clarity might be available. He wrote: "“The more you want, the less you’ll get.” When you want something so much that you are ready to risk everything you have in order to get it, you are creating a huge excess potential, which upsets the balance. The balancing forces will throw you onto a life track where the desired object doesn’t exist at all."
I know two ways to dissolve this excess potential when simply lowering importance is not easy: to find the good in where I am at right now and accept it, and to take some action.
So I decided to do two things: write about "what's good about it" and to walk my talk and reach our to my Harmony Integration coaching community with the request for a 5 session journey to tackle this resistance and create a space for clarity once and for all. The request for coaching has already been granted, we start next week. And here are my thoughts on why this is perfect that I don't have this clarity right now and struggling about this:
Next steps: working with my coach, and enjoying life and following my excitement.
Off to some kizomba dancing tonight.
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